Thoughts on Love

i was talking to a friend yesturday and they mentioned the dream love in high school was someone who did not have an interest in them and it made me think about some past relationships. Unfortunately my adolescent years were not as chase as they should have been, and my mind and heart were constantly focused on the dream girl…who/which happened to take a different shape each year as I got older and they got older. However, the dream girl had to capture my attention long enough to hold the dream – usually over the course of several months before I got the nerve to pop the question. It was usually too late by then anyway because some other, more confident guy swooped in for the kill. Still, I wanted them even though they did not want me. It made me more crazy! Why? Because they were yet unreachable.

When I would finally get the girl in my grasp my attention would normally wane. For some reason it would not hold up. For those ladies who I had the most lengthy relationship, there was a greater engagement of my all senses: smell, sight, touch, sounds, tastes that would take me completely in my thoughts and emotions back to them. That’s the bad part of dating, right? Connected to too many people over time makes for a real mixed salad and bad tastes. But the grasp of the girl made it all sweet. But it also made me confident … a little too much because they were all mine. You know, no longer singing and writing poetry and such.

So this thought process led me to Shalla. She was way out of my reach from the beginning. Months later I gathered the nerve to only befriend her – still out of reach. Once I did grasp her in a devoted relationship all of my senses were engaged. I don’t think I’ve ever been over confident in my grasp. I feel secure, I know a few things for sure…but some things still seem out of reach. The good news is that it keeps me going…keeps me reaching for her. There were times when I would have used the word uninspired in relation to my marriage. From another perspective now I feel challenged (it’s something outside of my grasp) and inspired by the small things done in love. Last night she made a special dinner to celebrate my license renewal. Yea! The good news continues…she does want me (may not express like I want some times, but...).

And I am to love her in this same mysterious way – within her grasp yet just beyond her reach. Secure in our relationship and surprised by who I am becoming and reflecting.

And this brought me to my relationship with God. Just in the last year have I truly felt an immeasurable gift of love from the Father. Meditating on John 5:20, I’ve been more amazed and surprised that He is just beyond my reach. He is my dream catch (so to speak). Instead though, He is interested in me. He loves me. He shows me that He loves me and compels…even challenges me to love Him back…by caring for what He cares for the most. And the moment I feel like I have Him in my grasp He is there to remind me that He’s just beyond my reach. It’s becoming a beautiful relationship.

I hope it’s making me more loving in my marriage and friendships.